It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The best revenge is premature balding
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
