just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
