my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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