Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
