You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
