Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
