Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
