the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
