It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
