atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
