I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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