So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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