I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
