i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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