Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
