We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
