I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
