Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
