I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
