I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
