White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Is it because I queefed?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
