What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
