a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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