and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
