had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
