I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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