Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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