Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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