remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You are the jesus of drinking
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
