I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So many bounce houses so little time
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
