my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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