i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
