When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
