So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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