So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The uberlube is also flammable
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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