why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
