If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
