It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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