She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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