hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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