Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
