Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
