I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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