i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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