we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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