its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
