u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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