I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
