Yo dont text me then not text me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
