I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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