good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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