mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
