Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
